How Rachael Knows

There are so many that I cannot deny.  Trying to pinpoint one is hard.  The thing that is most prominent in my mind right now is my baby.

From before I conceived, I felt that he was watching over our family...waiting for the right time to make his entrance.  On days where I can hardly smile because I'm sleep deprived and stressed out of my mind, this one month old will smile and talk to me as if to say "It's alright Mom.  Things will be okay."  The warmth and peace a newborn brings is undeniable.  There is a heightened sense of reverence by all who come in contact with them.  A reverence for life.  How they are created is a miracle in and of itself.  Then what they bring into a family-their undeniable personalities.  I have written a detailed description of what I felt each of my babies personalities were like when they were not yet born, or shortly after.  And to this day, they have been right on.  They are incredible individuals with spiritual gifts as well as weaknesses from the beginning.  Often their gifts are within their weaknesses...my oldest son is extra sensitive.  He is so attuned to everyone's needs around him-and worries often about the safety of his little sisters (has nightmares about not being able to protect them)-because of heightened sensitivity, he feels when things are off-in the earth, with storms coming, and with people-and has a great amount of empathy for anyone struggling-also struggles to keep his own anxieties and emotions in check.  His capacity to love others is amazing, and there is no limit he won't go to be sure his sisters are happy and taken care of.  These children who have been sent to me are straight from a loving Father in Heaven who has placed them in my care (unbelievable...).  And I learn from them all the time.  They say things at times that are way beyond their years- their intelligence is not of this world.  I know that.

Another example is when my daughter had just been born.  I had been going back and forth in my mind wondering if I had made the right decision in naming her that.  My husband wanted to name our first daughter after his Grandmother who had passed away some years before (they had a special connection).  I wasn't confident in the name itself, but I understood his sentiment, and thought it wouldn't hurt to name my daughter after a great lady.

But I was still regretting not giving more of a fight for perhaps a name I wanted.  When Ginnie was a couple days old, and asleep in her bassinet, I was startled out of a deep sleep.  At first I was scared, but soon my feeling turned to one of peace.  I sensed that a glorious being was standing at the foot of Ginnie's bassinet.  I felt who she was- a beautiful and glorious woman-someone that I can't describe very well.  Later on, I realized that it was my husband's Grandmother-coming to visit her name's sake.

I recalled my husband telling me the story of when his Grandmother first got sick when he was seven years old-him being worried that she would never meet his children.  She reassured him she would.  Perhaps this was her way of showing him she kept her promise.

How Tara Knows

As I have pondered about what I should write, I have had many experiences come to mind.  So many in fact, that I have had a hard time knowing which one I should share with you all.  Many of my experiences revolve around the scriptures and the words being a direct answer to the question or problem I was having in that moment.  Other experiences involve other means of communication, all of which I hold very dear and near to my heart. Some minuscule and some monumental, but all extremely personal and powerful.  Thus I ask you to please read them respectfully. 

I remember the first time I received a very direct answer from the words of the scriptures.  During the summer of 2000 I was home from college, in Nebraska, on my bed yearning to go back to the college world.  I missed my friends and I missed the college life, but I felt that I was needed at home.  As I sat there lost in my thoughts, I recalled a professor of religion telling me that if I sincerely prayed for an answer and opened up my scriptures that the Lord would answer me.  So I prayed.  I prayed that I would find the direction I needed.  Then I randomly opened up my scriptures and the first thing I read said, tarry for a little season.  My feeling of surprise and shock was quickly replaced by an immediate feeling of the spirit confirming that I was to stay a little longer.  So I did.  Little did I know then it would be the last summer I was going to have at home as the very next Spring I was engaged and the following summer married.  I believe my Heavenly Father knew that not only my Mother needed me to be there, but that I needed to be there to savor those last moment's of childhood.

Fast forward several years.  I had a little boy who was almost about 13 months old with extremely blond hair and bright blue eyes.   We had just moved to a new city, we didn't know a soul and my husband had just started a very stressful, first, full-time professional accounting job.  We went from having him gone for a few hours at a time in class at school to gone long, very long hours.  Needless to say I was lonely. I was dealing with emotions that were new for me and I was struggling.  I found myself very sad and crying a lot.  Finally, after some time passed I remember kneeling down by my bed and asking Heavenly Father for some comfort, asking him to help me feel the love that I needed to feel at that time.  In the next few seconds as I continued to kneel I felt an overwhelming feeling of love and then distinctly felt two hands on the back of my shoulders.  I knew someone was there and I knew it was a woman, but yet as I turned my head I saw no one.  I felt an immense love from her and somehow I knew I would meet her someday.  About two months later I found out I was pregnant.  The very moment the ultrasound technician said, "well, it's a girl!" I knew it was that amazing woman who visited me. 

I call these LTM's, "Little Tender Moments."  They are numerous and they are always without question messages from a Loving God who is real and who cares about me and my individual needs.  I am eternally grateful for a loving God who is ever watchful and ever mindful.  

How Rea Knows

October 30, 1996

Approx. 2 a.m.

Dallas, Texas

The phone in our daughter’s house rang at this unlikely hour.  She soon learned that it was our oldest son, calling from Virginia.  In a matter of seconds, we learned that a younger son, John, had been murdered as he worked at a Motel, filling in for an employee who couldn’t be there that night.

I remember screaming, four times.  Then a numbness replaced my shock – or perhaps it was a result of the shock.  My daughter and I held each other as our minds tried to absorb the news.

October 31, 1996

I boarded the plane to return to our home in Utah.  My numbness seemed to be holding me up, giving me some kind of balance and allowing me to carry out the actions that were necessary.  I remember wondering why I was not crying.  Maybe because there hadn’t been time, or maybe because I was the mother of nine children and was accustomed to focusing on the immediate needs.

As I sat down in the window seat of the plane, belt secured, movement of the plane began.  Suddenly, I felt sick and it became obvious to me that a very unfamiliar feeling, probably hysteria, was near.  I needed to get out!  More screams built in my breast.  It felt as if I would smother.  I needed air!  Almost incapacitated, I closed my eyes and prayed for help, prayed that I would be able to stay on the plane and get home to my family.

It quickly came, the help I so desperately needed.  All at once, I was wrapped tightly in a very warm, comforting blanket.  Incredible peace, calm and love filled my whole being.  In addition, I was given the unrequested blessing of knowledge that Johnny was safe and happy and all was exactly as it should be and all would be well.  Deep within my heart, I know now, the seeds of love and forgiveness were planted in that moment. 

Never had I imagined this kind of peace.   My experiences in prayer had brought much comfort before, but never this complete and overwhelming understanding of His love and care for me.

~Rea Whicker